A Not So Myself Kind of Day

More like kind of week rather than day but I have literally been feeling just awful. I am not quite sure what it is. In a way I kind of fear my anxiety is coming back… Not that it ever left but there was a good chunk of time where I had it pretty maintained. It feels completely awful. I’ve been experiencing sleepless nights, nervousness, stress, depression, and anger. And it all just comes out of nowhere. I have to look back on myself and scoff because I realize I react to things in ways I really shouldn’t. You know, like things that shouldn’t be that big of a deal? Kind of disappointed in myself that I am feeling this way this week.

What’s also not normal and weird is that I get so sick to my stomach after eating just one little thing. I couldn’t even manage to eat my healthy breakfast (boiled eggs and Greek yogurt with granola) without feeling sick. One of the reasons I have even been eating healthy is because I hate the sickening feeling I get from junk food. Kind of defeats the purpose when I can feel that way now from healthy foods and anything I put into my stomach. What am I supposed to do? Just not eat? Trust me, it’s pretty tempting and I don’t know how much more I will be eating until this phase passes over. I’m preparing for the worst at becoming weak.

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I really hate this bitter, angry feeling I’ve been having for a reason I am not entirely sure of. I can only hope tomorrow will be better and I am definitely ready for this work week to already be over because this not so like me feeling PLUS 9 hours a day of work just isn’t cutting it for me.

I went out for my lunch hour to take a drive, maybe clear my head, and stop at a local Walgreens to purchase a big bottle of Tums(thanks stomach). When I passed the refrigerated section of drinks, a pretty cool looking bottle stood out to me that said “reduce stress.” I was like hmmm.. that’s ironic. So of course I pick the drink up to inspect. It’s called “Bliss” and apparently contains active ingredients that work with your body’s natural chemistry to help you find your happy place and reduce stress. Now, I am a little skeptical of any 2 dollar drink promoting something like that but the bottle looked freaking cool and it tastes pretty delicious so I was like eh, why not!

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Oh, and my fiance knows how I have been feeling lately so when I returned to work, I found a giant Hershey kiss chocolate sitting on my desk chair for me. How sweet! Too bad I can’t quite eat it but I will definitely hold on to it until I can!

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But anyway, wish me the best as I try to cope with this funky phase I am going through!

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