Your Place in the World

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It hasn’t even hit noon yet before my mind started going crazy with thoughts today. And what do you do when you have a mind full of thoughts? Blog about it of course!

My struggle today can most likely be relatable to MANY people in their 20’s like me. I randomly began thinking about my life. Actually, it’s not too random because I find myself doing this quite often. The struggle I face is I am not too happy with where I am in life right now. Don’t get me wrong, there are many great things I will never change such as recently getting married to the love of my life and have a house of our own but that’s not everything in life….

I will quote exactly how I stated it before….

“I’m finding it extremely hard to find my place in life in regards to what I want to do or where I exactly want to be in addition to the little areas I am in now which I guess is very typical for someone in their early 20’s. I’m making it a goal for 2015 to at least get a better idea for myself and a plan I can at least start working towards regarding my life.”

Now what does this mean? Well, simply put, my indecisiveness and lack of ambition has caused me to not figure out what I want in my life to make me happy. Instead, I settled with what I have and didn’t move any farther.

My job? I will admit, I do have a good job that I only got through connections but is this really where I want to be for years to come? Not at all. As much as I can move up on the scale here, I really do not know if I am happy staying here. My co workers are great. The place is great. But overall, I feel I am the tiniest person at this business and I just want to be heard more and have more value to what I offer.

Thinking about my ideal job, I honestly feel I would be better off with a more independent job. Why? Because, not to be shallow, but I can’t stand people. I can’t stand people always looking over my shoulder or telling me what to do and what not to and always checking in on me. My level of patience just is never there.

So here’s to my new search I began investigating already to find exactly what I can do career wise that can be more independent for myself.

School? Now here’s another tough aspect of life for me. Do I go back to school or not? If I do, what would I go back for? I have no ideal position or study in mind that is causing me to jump on the schooling train. But I feel I would feel more complete with a earned degree to my name.

And what about my overall self and well being? I can hardly stick to one thing without giving it up and moving on to something else and just repeating the process. This in regards to routine, hobbies, and lifestyle. I want to find one true calling in life that I can enjoy doing on my free time and that can better my health.

So here’s to 2015 and my goal of getting a better idea of my life and where I want to be that will hopefully get me started on a go to plan I can start working on to reach my fullest life choices.

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Moved My Blog! Follow Me!

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Hello everyone! I am still alive! 😉 Haven’t been on here in MONTHS. Even though this blog was doing so well, I have decided to start a new different blog focused on one thing. I have made BIG recent changes in my life focusing on health and lifestyle and dedicated a whole blog to it for people to follow and even participate with me in my journey! Oh.. and I also just got married :p

So please head on over to http://journeydiscovered.wordpress.com/ and start following me! Take a look at my first post there to get a better idea of what the blog is all about 🙂

Blog will be updated more frequently and even better than this one!

Regrets are a Part of Life so Face Them

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Have you ever done something or made a choice that you later wish you could take back? Whether it be just days, months, or even years after the fact I am sure there is something that always comes back to haunt your mind. We are always told to live life without regrets but I personally believe that is impossible. Everyone has regrets big or small. Sometimes they are forgotten after awhile but there are some that might stick with you throughout your life that seem to always pop in your mind at the most random time. Or maybe something happened that just reminded you of that regret. This seems to be a fairly common problem of mine. I try my hardest to not have so many regrets but when I am in a funk or a terrible mood, I can’t help but to think about them. And that is exactly what has brought me to my blog today…. regrets.

Now, I am just going to be open and personal with you guys and let you in on some of these regrets that I uncontrollably carry with me. Hopefully it will help some people with regrets like this to realize they are not the only one. In fact, my big bundle of regrets just might outweigh a lot of other’s. At least, that’s what it feels like for me.

So what are these regrets, you may ask? Well, I am sure some of them are pretty common among a lot of people. You yourself might even relate to some of these….

  • Spending time with wrong people
  • Not getting the college dorm life experience
  • Growing up too fast
  • Not taking better care of my health
  • Letting so many things get to me
  • Over-reacting to situations that caused permanent damage
  • Saying hurtful words to the ones I love
  • Not getting out of a situation when I should have
  • Dealing with things in a negative way
  • Brushing things off when I should have taken care of them
  • Not spending enough time with the RIGHT people and family
  • Not taking a chance
  • Not getting into more activities in school when I was younger
  • Putting trust or faith in people I shouldn’t have
  • Wasting time
  • Not believing in myself more
  • Spending too much money on useless things
  • Caring too much about situations that I shouldn’t have cared about
  • Not living more freely
  • Jumping to conclusions
  • Being so naive
  • AND SO MANY MORE…

Yes… all of these regrets stick with me and pop up now and then at least once. But needless to say, a lot of these are not too late to change and I will be working on them starting this day forward.

What regrets do you carry with you?

Random Thought for a Monday Morning

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Blame it on the caffeine buzz from the coffee, but I think of the weirdest things. Seriously though… here I am just sitting at my computer desk with my coffee in hand when boom! Random thought pops in my head that makes me lose focus and drift off into lala land.

But anyway….

This is quite an interesting thought to think about…

How awesome would it be if we could just escape reality and our world at any time for just a little while?

And no! I do not mean with drugs.

You know, just get away to a fantasy world made up of everything awesome. Then again, you might never want to leave and people might think you are crazy when you do return to the real world. But none the less, it is fun to think about. Call me a kid stuck in her imagination but I would love to get away from the real world now and then.

Maybe this is why I read so many fiction fantasy type books. It’s as close as I can get to a different world. I am sure there are many other people out there that think or feel the same way so I don’t deem myself as weird or crazy quite yet.

But seriously… could you imagine?

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A Day Alone is not so Bad

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Sunday?? Already?? Why must the weekends always come and go at the blink of an eye? I dread Monday as it slowly approaches…. Another work week of pure unenjoyable torture. Okay, that may have been a little dramatic especially when my job is not that bad at all compared to jobs of others around my age. But none the less, I do enjoy my days off so much. Who doesn’t?

Friday night and Saturday was a blast. Family time and some delicious food and cold beer. Now today, I returned home early this morning to be left alone all day while the fiance is out working and playing tennis. And I got to say, it is not all that bad. I enjoy my time alone with a whole house to myself. It’s like that feeling you got as a kid when your parents left for the day or weekend.

Earlier, I was more on the side of wanting to get some friends to go to the beach but soon realized, eh, maybe I’ll just have a good day to myself. And that is exactly what I chose to do. It gives me a chance to do things I have been wanting to do without the distraction of others or anything in my way. I did some minor chores already such as my laundry and got some time to make some jewelry! Sitting on the couch with my laptop and other necessities of my day alone spread out on my table that lifts up like a desk and a TV for some shows to play in the background. Already cooked and had a nice lunch to myself, while leaving some leftovers for the fiance of course, and now I am ready to move on to some other tasks of mine!

I’m planning on continuing my craftwork and doing some little research online I’ve been wanting to do. Also, I am going to take this time to go through a lot of my stack of personal papers and get my things more organized and get rid of a lot of that stuff I do not need anymore. Nothing bugs me more or gets me anymore OCD than seeing my folders and binders packed of messy papers.

I’m planning on throwing in a shower somewhere in there as well and some other miscellaneous tasks I come across that I want to get done. Maybe do some more reading as well. So enough of me rambling about my day alone… time to get back to “work.”

Oh! And a storm is rolling in now! I am perfectly okay with that 🙂

How do you spend your time alone?

A Not So Myself Kind of Day

More like kind of week rather than day but I have literally been feeling just awful. I am not quite sure what it is. In a way I kind of fear my anxiety is coming back… Not that it ever left but there was a good chunk of time where I had it pretty maintained. It feels completely awful. I’ve been experiencing sleepless nights, nervousness, stress, depression, and anger. And it all just comes out of nowhere. I have to look back on myself and scoff because I realize I react to things in ways I really shouldn’t. You know, like things that shouldn’t be that big of a deal? Kind of disappointed in myself that I am feeling this way this week.

What’s also not normal and weird is that I get so sick to my stomach after eating just one little thing. I couldn’t even manage to eat my healthy breakfast (boiled eggs and Greek yogurt with granola) without feeling sick. One of the reasons I have even been eating healthy is because I hate the sickening feeling I get from junk food. Kind of defeats the purpose when I can feel that way now from healthy foods and anything I put into my stomach. What am I supposed to do? Just not eat? Trust me, it’s pretty tempting and I don’t know how much more I will be eating until this phase passes over. I’m preparing for the worst at becoming weak.

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I really hate this bitter, angry feeling I’ve been having for a reason I am not entirely sure of. I can only hope tomorrow will be better and I am definitely ready for this work week to already be over because this not so like me feeling PLUS 9 hours a day of work just isn’t cutting it for me.

I went out for my lunch hour to take a drive, maybe clear my head, and stop at a local Walgreens to purchase a big bottle of Tums(thanks stomach). When I passed the refrigerated section of drinks, a pretty cool looking bottle stood out to me that said “reduce stress.” I was like hmmm.. that’s ironic. So of course I pick the drink up to inspect. It’s called “Bliss” and apparently contains active ingredients that work with your body’s natural chemistry to help you find your happy place and reduce stress. Now, I am a little skeptical of any 2 dollar drink promoting something like that but the bottle looked freaking cool and it tastes pretty delicious so I was like eh, why not!

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Oh, and my fiance knows how I have been feeling lately so when I returned to work, I found a giant Hershey kiss chocolate sitting on my desk chair for me. How sweet! Too bad I can’t quite eat it but I will definitely hold on to it until I can!

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But anyway, wish me the best as I try to cope with this funky phase I am going through!

If You Walk into my Life, You Better Stick Around

This may be a rant post or just a simple post that maybe some of you can relate to but either way, I’m going to go ahead with it…

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You know what really has me disappointed or frustrated? When someone comes in to your life but doesn’t stick around. Ever since moving to Milwaukee and growing apart from some friends back home, I have been trying to meet new people to be a part of my life and friendship circle. I’m not looking to be “popular” and have a huge group of friends going but a few would be nice.

However, it seems that I meet new people that seem really cool and yeah, maybe we do some activities together here and there and chat but I have realized that just a couple months later, they tend to branch off. We won’t talk as much anymore even when I am mainly the first and only person to reach out in contact. And I hear a lot excuses in reply to my offers to go out or do something together. Like what happened in those two months to turn people you once knew into complete strangers?

Not only does my time get completely wasted with people like this, but I just get highly disappointed. I gave you my time. I shared stories with you. I thought you could be a friend. For what? Nothing…

Now a days I am more cautious with people. I will only give you my time if you can prove you want my time. If you can prove you can be there as a friend. If you can prove you’re not like the typical range of society. A society of a lot of disappointment and mistrust.

This may be the reason I tend to stay pretty reserved now a days and do things on my own. Never the less, it’s always nice to have people around still. One day I will have that.